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March 29, 2005
Future Review: "God doesn't know the word Brain-dead"
Introducing a new feature on my blog: the future review.
For those of you who don't know, I have a prototype time machine I play around with -- just a silly hobby. Sometimes I like to go into the future and check out a movie or tv show, and now I'll be reviewing them for you poor saps who actually have to live life in order.
| Well, I just watched the TV movie "God doesn't know the word Brain-dead" in the future, and even though I didn't really lose the 2 hours (since I came back to the present exactly 1 second after I'd left), I'm still not happy about that time I'll never get back. | 
Teri Hatcher plays Terri Schiavo |
As you may have guessed, this is the TV movie of Terri Schiavo's life and media-abused death. It also happened to be the first TV movie produced by Fox News, under the "Karl Rove presents..." marque. I guess that should have been a red flag.
First, the positives. Teri Hatcher was (will be) brilliant in the lead role. Either she'll be spending the next 3 years in acting classes, or she'll suffer a catastrophic stroke in that time, because the performance was unexpectedly subtle and naturalistic. Using her voice-overs throughout was a little heavy-handed, but effective. When the feeding tube was removed, in the hands of a less-accomplished actress, 5 minutes of screaming, pleading and crying in voiceover could have been maudlin...
Christopher Walken seemed like a strange choice to play Terri's husband, until I realized the producer's point of view. Walken plays Michael Schiavo as an evil, amoral cad who puts no value on life of any kind. However, having a message in your movie and jamming it down all the viewers' throats are two differnt things. The movie had scenes of Schiavo as a child torching ants with a magnifying glass and shooting a bird with a broken wing despite his troop leader's assurances that the bird would survive. As an adult, he is shown stomping on blooming flowers and turning off a television disinterestedly in the middle of a news report on September 11, 2001. Some of the characterization didn't even seem true -- did he really have a gay love affair with an abortionist?
George W. Bush is triumphant playing himself in a cameo. He portrays just the right balance of arrogance and holier-than-thou righteousness, but he makes sure not to play it too smart. He's spot on.
In the end, unless your name starts with Bishop or Reverend, when this movie comes out in a few years, I recommend you watch That 90's Show instead (it's quite funny.)
Posted by JoshHornik at March 29, 2005 01:47 PM
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