Josh Hornik Blog

June 06, 2006

I saw Fred Stoller: 2 points


I made a quick trip to Los Angeles last week and had hoped to spot a celebrity, since my blog has been somewhat lacking of late. Unfortunately, the one person I saw just barely qualifies. Fred Stoller, barely a celebrity
In any case, that person was Fred Stoller, standup comedian and frequent TV show guest star.

For those who've forgotten, we start him off with 5 points.

First, the fact that it took me half an hour on the Internet to find his name means he's not exactly a superstar. -3 points.

I saw him at the Farmer's Market at The Grove. +1 for being a good spot to see celebrities. However, he was with two people who were both unrecognizable. -1 point, because celebrities are supposed to hang out with other celebrities. (What, Ray Romano wasn't available?)

-2 points of beauty factor, for obvious reasons.
-2 points Star Wars factor.

+1 for guesting on Everybody Loves Raymond, but -1 for being a very annoying character (though, yes, that was intentional). +1 for writing two episodes of Seinfeld.

And finally, +2 for being a frequent guest on the gone-but-not-forgotten Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist. By the way, Dr. Katz is finally out on DVD! (Season 1, at least.)

Anyway, final score: 2 points. Hardly worth the 6-hour drive from San Francisco.

Posted by JoshHornik at 11:29 PM | Comments (0)

March 03, 2006

I saw Joshua Jackson: 3 points

Joshua Jackson You may be wondering: whatever happened to Josh Jackson? All of his Dawson's Creek compatriots seem to be in the news. Michelle Williams could be holding Oscar come Sunday night. Katie Holmes, of course, got inseminated by a religious zealot wack-job old enough to be her Dad (and she also got a super cool tattoo). Even Busy Phillips (who I only mention because she was also on Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared) had a new show. And James Vanderbeek, I hear, got promoted from Barista to Supervisor. (...rimshot).

So what's up with Pacey Witter? Well, I saw him the other day coming out of Barnes & Noble at the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Couldn't tell - he may have been picking up 'Arthur and George' in hopes of playing a young Conan Doyle in the movie version, or maybe he was buying 'How to Start an eBay Business' to make quick cash out of his old Mighty Ducks costumes.

OK. +1 point each for being the best character on 'the Creek' and for being taller than I expected. -1/2 each for terrible movie choices The Skulls, Gossip, Cruel Intentions, and Cursed. -1 more for a career on life support. -1 more Star Wars Factor.

Total: 3 points.

Posted by JoshHornik at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)

November 09, 2005

I saw Keanu Reeves -- 7 points!



Keanu Reeves wears Reclining Pig Yes, I broke out of my celebrity sighting slump (say that one 10 times fast) in a big way yesterday, with a genuine Hollywood movie star.

As we sat down to eat at the new sushi place on Sunset, I grabbed a seat by the window, so that I could watch the people going into the Hustler Store across the street. I was thinking reprobates and perverts, not movie stars. But, sure enough, who should cross the street to go in, but Keanu Reeves -- Neo, The One, himself.

OK, let me try to remember how this celebrity sighting rating system works... I believe we start with 5 points.

+1 for being in movies.
+2 more for being a true STAR, not just some talented but barely known actor who always does good movies.


+1 for not pulling the typical movie star hiding act -- dark sunglasses, crappy clothes, skulking around. Keanu crossed in the middle of the block, ran back to grab a scarf from someone, then ran back, stopping traffic every time. Didn't care who saw him.
-1, however, for hanging out with 2 nobody loser guys, instead of 2 hot models or 2 other movie stars.

+2 for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Let's face it -- it could have been Anyone and Ted. Keanu made that movie.
+1 for 2 more early-career movies, Parenthood and My Own Private Idaho.
Unfortunately, the guy hasn't made a good movie since 1991. -3 points.
Oh, yeah -- and the reason is because he is possibly the worst actor in the business. -2 more.
But I'm no elitist. +2 for being in mega-hits Speed and The Matrix.

+1 beauty factor for going with the shaggy, bearded look. Looks good on him (and I don't just say that because it's the look I have going right now.) Also for being taller than you'd expect.

Finally, -2 Star Wars Factor -- for never being in a Star Wars movie, and even more for all the idiot nerds out there who might think Neo could beat Yoda in a fight. (Note: I wrote that before searching for and finding that link.)

Final score: 7 points!

Posted by JoshHornik at 04:49 PM | Comments (2)

August 25, 2005

I saw Tony Cox -- 5 points!

This is kind of old. OK, very old. But this celebrity sighting was exciting for reasons you will see, so I had to rate it...

So, I saw Tony Cox, one of our finest working little person actors and star of Bad Santa, having lunch at Mel's Diner on Sunset.

Let's rate him, shall we? This time, I think I'll start him with 5 points.

First of all, the guy is kind of hard to miss. He's only 3-1/2 feet tall. -2 for ease of sighting.

Tony Cox, one-time Ewok

He has had quite a distinguished acting career, dating back to the early 1980's. He has appeared in big movies like Up In Smoke, Spaceballs, Beetlejuice, Me Myself and Irene, and of course, Bad Santa. +2 points.

However, he has also appeared in: Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again, Beaver Gets a Boner, Valet Girls, Hollywood Hot Tubs 2, Spaced Invaders, and even the Michael Jackson Disneyland video Captain Eo. -3 points.

+1 for being in cult classic (and personal favorite) Friday, in which he played the husband of the hot neighbor who, I believe, has an affair with Bernie Mac in the film.

And now the exciting part: Cox played an Ewok in Return of the Jedi!!! Finally, I've seen someone in a Star Wars movie. OK, he's wearing a little furry costume and you never see his face, but he was there. And also in the 2 Ewoks TV specials.
Star Wars factor: +2

Final score: 5 points.

Posted by JoshHornik at 06:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 13, 2005

I saw Craig Ferguson and Seann William Scott

Just wrote a long entry with ratings for both of these sightings. Then accidentally closed it before saving. (Note: If anyone is reading this with any connections at Six Apart, you might mention that clicking Preview could be considered the same as saving a draft.)

Anyway, I saw Craig Ferguson eating lunch at a restaurant on Sunset Blvd. He gets 4 points because I don't like him, but I like the fact that I finally saw a celebrity at this particular restaurant where there are lines of tables out on the sidewalk with people dining with the sole purpose of being seen by the passersby. I dutifully look for the stray famous person every time I pass by.Craig Ferguson -- lame replacement for Craig Kilborn
Stifler and Bo Duke -- now that's a career for Seann William Scott Then I saw Seann William Scott at the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. He gets a 6, because I think he's actually pretty funny, and because despite my fears about the quality of his upcoming movie, I cannot deny my nostalgic love for all things Dukes of Hazzard (and Bo was my favorite). But he lost a point for having an extra 'n' in his name. And I continue to be disappointed by the lack of connection to Star Wars of any of my celebrity sightings.

Posted by JoshHornik at 06:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 02, 2005

I saw Rob Reiner -- 7 points

I was at the Dodgers - Cubs game on Memorial Day and passed acclaimed director Rob Reiner (and daughter, I guess) in the arcade behind the stands.

I can think of 2 reasons he will probably get a high rating:
1. Marty
2. DiBergi

But let's go through the motions...

First, he was at a baseball game and, more importantly, I saw him as I left the game, which was after the game ended. In other words, he stayed until the end, even though his team (I assume the Dodgers) was losing. Very un-L.A. +1 point.

Two words, that I'm sure Mr. Reiner's been running from most of his life: Meat Head. +1 for being on one of the all-time greatest TV shows. -1 for his acting ability.

While we're talking great sit-coms, +1 point for being Carl Reiner's kid, which means his life was the basis for another of the all-time greatest TV shows, The Dick Van Dyke Show.

But it's all about the movies he's directed. And he has definitely directed good ones. In fact, three of the best movies ever made: This is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, and When Harry Met Sally. +2 points for each. (He also directed The Sure Thing, Stand By Me, A Few Good Men, and The American President, but I can't give him points for every single movie, can I?)

Of course, we can't forgive him for also directing: North, The Story of Us, and Alex & Emma. -1 for each of those.

Special demerit: -2 points for directing Misery, because most of the world thinks that's a great movie and I didn't like it at all, which makes me feel stupid.

-2 Star Wars Factor, I'm afraid.

Final score: 7 points!

Posted by JoshHornik at 05:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 30, 2005

I saw Robert Culp: 5 points


Just as I finished discussing the fact that The Grove (fancy local mall) is perhaps the premier spot for celebrity sightings in Los Angeles, one-time TV star Robert Culp was seated next to me at the restaurant I was at.

Let's rate him, shall we?

5 points for being there.

+2 for starring in I Spy with Bill Cosby, which, as I understand it, broke color barriers on TV. (-1 for the hideous movie version of I Spy with Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson.)


Yes, you can buy this t-shirt.

+1 for starring in The Greatest American Hero, one of the true classics of 1980's TV. (Even though he had nothing to do with it, +1 more for the theme song "Believe It or Not" by Joey Scarbury. +1 for me because I didn't have to look that up.)

-2 for the current state of his career. I wish I could name one thing he's done since The Greatest American Hero.

Beauty Factor: OK, I was going to give him a -1 because he was looking pretty old. Then I looked up his age, and the guy is almost 75 years old, so I guess he's allowed to look old. Even in Los Angeles.

However, I'm afraid I can't forgive him for never doing a single Star Wars-related project: -1.

Final score: 5 points.

Posted by JoshHornik at 03:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 18, 2005

I saw Kevin Bacon: 7 points

I have been criticized for my poor celebrity sightings (average rating well below 5). I am sorry, but I eat lunch at Poquito Mas, not The Ivy. In my defense, I bring you a sighting from a couple weeks ago: Kevin Bacon, walking down Sunset with his wife Kyra Sedgwick and their son (I assume).

Let's begin the proceedings with 5 points, shall we?

+1 for being with family. +1 more because his family is a celebrity in her own right, I suppose (though I couldn't name one Kyra Sedgwick movie.)

-2 for being spotted several times already by Lauri. Balanced by a +1 for being seen this time in LA, not their home on the Upper West Side of NY.

Kevin Bacon has a very large resume to rate:
2 words: FOOT. LOOSE. +3 points.
+3 for starring (and quite well, too) in a movie by personal friend Guy Ferland, Telling Lies In America.
+2 for Diner.
+1 for each of the following: Mystic River, Apollo 13, A Few Good Men, The Big Picture, Friday the 13th, and Animal House.
-2 each for the following: Beauty Shop, Hollow Man, Stir of Echoes, Wild Things, He Said She Said, Flatliners, Tremors, and She's Having a Baby.

+1 for having a star on Hollywood Boulevard.

Beauty factor:
-1 for doing the standard movie star thing: dark sunglasses and baseball cap.
+1 for having a large penis (as seen in Wild Things).

Star Wars connection factor:
If anyone has a connection to anything, it's got to be this guy, right? +2.

Final score: 7 hard-earned points. (and well above my average.)

PS - I found a picture of Kevin Bacon as a Sleestak:

Posted by JoshHornik at 05:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 12, 2005

I saw Eriq LaSalle -- 4 points

Though I have been lax and neglected to rate a couple sightings, I did see ex-ER star Eriq LaSalle driving on Sunset today, so here goes...

5 points to start (like the 200 you get for writing your name on the SAT's -- that must be 300 points now.)

-1 because he was driving in his car -- never good for sightings.
-1 for being too cliche: Hollywood celeb in sunglasses driving a convertible on Sunset Boulevard.

-1 for being my 2nd ER sighting in a month.
+2, though, because when I think ER, I picture him doing his Guts Pose at the end of the opening titles (back when the show was good).

*Note: "Guts Pose" is a Japanese term for an emphatic fist-pump. +1 again because when I searched on Yahoo for images of "Guts Pose", his picture from ER came up. No joke.

-1 Star Wars factor.

Final score: 4 points.

Posted by JoshHornik at 06:50 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack